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Google came a knocking

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Google

I got a nice surprise in my inbox this afternoon, a quick message from the staff at Google Offices in the UK wanting to talk about a possible job offer and relocation in the Sydney Office in Google.  I can’t even remember when I sent my resume in to Google (I think it was just after I got to the UK), but it was nice to get a message anyway.  If I had have been in Perth, I would have jumped at the chance, but I’m not even going to think about relocating back to Australia, as we all know, I’m enjoying the UK too damn much.

I might give them a phone call tomorrow and see if they have any positions for work going in London, as I’d imagine out of all the companies there are to choose from, for the work I’m doing, that would have to be an awesome oppurtunity.  Time will tell!

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New Years 2007/2008

Monday, December 31st, 2007

Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to….

 

Well actually, I’m not by any means broken hearted and I havent tried to do anything yet, although I might go home a couple of hours and try to get horrendously drunk so I can bring in the new year on a high note.  But for now, here I sit, not broken hearted, but bored and starting to feel slightly insane as the only thing I’ve heard in the last 4 hours has been the drone of the server behind me and the bright downlights of the office are flickering in peripheral vision like stars in the sky.

 

Yes, its New Years Eve, and I’m in the office, and apart from the doorman upstairs I haven’t seen/heard anything all morning.  Looking up into the street outside seems to be the same story… Noones here, they’re all sleeping in, or commencing drinking to bring in the new year.  Or perhaps they’re playing Scrabble with a monkey, at least that’s what I should be doing.

 

But I made a decision this morning, and that was to get out of bed at 6:30AM to venture in to the city as I assumed everyone would be back after the christmas break.  If I hadn’t just paid £11.20 (yes, thats almost $30AUD) for a return ticket to get here and back, I probably would have gone straight home again.  But I did, so I won’t.

 

 

I thought I should take this oppurtunity to say Happy New Year all, as the people on the East Coast of Australia are merely minutes away from the moment, and those in Perth are not (surprisingly) far behind.

I’ve never been one for New Years Resolutions as I know I’ll break them, but due to recent changes in attitude toward a few things maybe I’ll give it a try this year.  So here goes:

  1. In the eternal quest for money, and much more of it, launch ShanCo (or similar, better name) and start working to produce side income
  2. Stop fart arsing around, believing that eating soup for lunch and walking to and from the train station is enough healthy food and exercise to become fit and lose weight, even though I work in a job all day that requires sitting, food and alcohol consumption (although I do occasionally use a computer too)
  3. Get these Christmas presents sent home, somehow Christmas presents in February doesn’t cut the mustard, it’ll have to do anyway though.
  4. Definitely don’t extend this contract as much as you want to, you have to get out and get some more experience elsewhere.
  5. Think about drinking less, then trick yourself by storing beer in Orange Juice bottles in the fridge
  6. Continue the proud Guiness Thursday tradition, but think of ways to improve on the concept
  7. Travel?

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Memories – My First Car

Friday, December 28th, 2007

I saw something astounding on the side of the road the other day, something that stopped me dead in my tracks, and even if just for a second made my mouth drop straight open. Parked at the road’s edge just near work on St James Street, a Silver-Grey 1980′s Ford Granada, which while slightly smaller, bears a striking resemblance to my first car, the great cûn, my canary yellow XF Ford Falcon. Actually, it was more like a mix between an XD and an XE, but close enough to still bring a definite tear to my eye. Few moments have I experienced in the last 6 months or so where I was filled with both laughter, surprise and sadness such as this, and for that this momement will be long remembered.

The Granada

The Ford Granada, similar looking, but far less manly

Why all the fuss over a Falcon clone, one may ask? It’s a sh&^ty Australian family sedan (saloon for those UKey’d), that like the plethora of other large 1980′s vehicles (such as the Kingswood, Monaro, first Commodore’s, Torana and other period Falcons), is destined to rust bucketry and crushing (if this has not happened already). And its long been known for being a taxi, bus, and caravan for a certain Australian minority. But it was my car, and my first one at that, and it had so much history. After being used in an armed robbery and stolen at least 3 or 4 other times, it was responsible for many a fun evening of laid-back, non jaw-dropping fun and utter destruction (mostly of the car itself). Yes, the cûn was a star and shall go down in history as a legend, at least in my eyes.

The Ford XF Falcon

The cûn and I had an understanding, I could treat her like shit, stretch her to her absolute limits and she would never actually stop running on me, apart from the occasional limp. No, she didn’t break down on me constantly (apart from running out of fuel due to faulty fuel gauge), or blow a head gasket, its features just occasionally stopped working as they should or fall off altogether, like the airconditioner, radio, rearview mirror, wing mirror(s), pedals, windows, doors, backseats and other slightly more valuable organs. And there was always the odometer that stuck at 110191km over 5 years before she was rolled out of the driveway destined for the crushing yard. But it just kept on running, and I appreciate that.I’ve always said (about 5 years ago), that when I’m old and rich, I’ll go back and find the last surviving mint XF and buy it to put next to the Bugatti, and while I adamently believe this will never happen as all will probably have been scrapped its nice to keep living the dream.

Here’s an ode, to my first car
You learned and taught me, like a training bra
For you are and forever will be the wonderous cûn
Even though you could seldom muster a tune

You, me and the H man had some great times
Like limping home all broken diffed after dimes
And yes I know, I treated you like shit
But as most who remember know, you were a smashing hit

P.S: The author reserves the right to hide the original nickname for el cûn-o.

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Damn you Initech!

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

Just a small rant today (nothing new), I’ve been top shelved today by certain management types in Marketing. It was our go-live day for my project at work, and a few of the things that were working perfectly in my testing have subsequently broken when introduced in the live environment, which in itself is not the most uncommon occurance.

The thing that got me about the whole process was that due to a couple of unforseen errors with our payment merchant (who handles all the incoming money from client credit cards), we had to remove a few of our protections to make sure we could still release before Christmas. The worst thing is, we’re now not covered by illegal/fraudulent credit card use, even though that was the one goal since the start of the project.

Thankyou Initech, with your wonderful customer service and documentation.

* Initech is the company from the move Office Space, but the sentiment still stays.

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Guiness Thursday update

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

Hi all, just thought I’d report in to say that since its inception the proud tradition of Guiness Thursday is going strong. Every week has seen at least 3 of us from work at lunchtime down the at pub, consuming at least a couple of pints.  It’s only been 5 weeks, but I can see this growing into a bustling little social club, as well as a healthy way to start the afternoon and a great way of life.

Who would believe?

Who would believe that these great minds could accomplish so much?

GT is, however, different that your normal whip-lash shoe-horn religion, there’s no rules, no commandments, and the only messiah is a black coloured liquid from Ireland.  Whilst there are no leaders, the word needs to be spread, for this is the job of the Guiness Thursday Spokesmen.  But, not wanting to sound cheesy, there’s a bit of GT spokesman in all of us.  So spread the word, join the force.On a side note, my boss, being the competitive type that he is, suggested a sort of Sporting Gala, a Guiness Olympics if you will.  It consists (but is in no way limited to):

  • The Sprint (skol, scull or down) – The Speed Event:-
  • First person to the bottom of a full ping of guiness is declared the winner
  • Default can be given if the winner has lost more than 20% of said pint on shirt/floor
  • Care should be taken to spot a cheat, though unfortunately (I’m not so lucky) the straight neck open throat pour is allowable, spillage rules still apply
  • The Marathon – An Endurance Event:-
    • Speed is not an issue here, its all about slow and steady
    • Pick a time period, and count pints until the end of the event/evening
    • Most drinks under the belt wins
    • In the interest of competitors safety the GOC (Guiness Olympic Committee) takes no responsibility for injuries occuring after the 15th pint
  • The Triathlon/…/Decathlon – The Skill Event:-
    • This event can consist of any number of stages, but usually comprises of both a sprint, a marathon, and the special event
    • The special event can be anything (in keeping with the Guiness tradition, an Irish Whiskey is preferred here)

I shall post results of the olympics, and we’ll see how the Aussies stand up against our English and North American counterparts, I expect it to be a whitewash.

 An event

A possible event? I think so

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When the contractor became the ‘contract-er’

Monday, December 17th, 2007

I’m used to copping a fair amount of flack as a contractor at work, as I’m the youngest in the office, and as a result of this get paid far too much for doing far too little, in my bosses mind anyway. In fact, his exact words are (on a daily basis), “…, but you’re just a lowly contractor”. It’s funny though, like an extension of the Pom/Aussie tradition of ripping the shit out of each other for, well pretty much anything, it adds another layer to the whole office rivalry thing.

Now, being the lowly contractor that I am, I don’t expect much, I don’t get holidays, I don’t get sick pay, I don’t get a christmas bonus and I don’t have the same job security an full timer may have come to expect. This is a good and a bad thing, bad for the obvious reasons, good for the fact I have pretty much no responsibility and get paid more (apparently). The last thing I expected to be doing was giving and sitting in on job interviews. Yes, this contractor come contract-er is going to have a fun week.

I guess its good experience, and I should hardly complain, but it seems weird none the less. Least I’m not like the PHP guys, having to give interviews for over 50 people, I’ve only got to do two.


This may have helped

This got me thinking back to a job interview I had a while ago back home at a mining/oil company in Nedlands, Perth. The interview was going great, and I was clearly fit for the job, and I was asked:

Them: “What’s a word you would use to describe a good thing about yourself?”
Me: “Thorough, I need to make sure the job is done” (or something to that effect)
Them: “Now, whats a word you would use to describe a bad thing about yourself?”

Ah, the age old “bad” thing question, always going to catch the unprepared out. Like the scene with the bad thing from Peep Show, Jeremy couldn’t remember what the bad thing was, unlike Peep Show, my bad thing did not involve a blow job. But I was stuck…

Me: “Well, I can be lazy”

(deafening silence, with an odd look on smug interviewer’s face)…

I bet they’re still laughing at my expense. “Remember that lazy guy? That was the best interview I’ve done so far”. Well keep laughing, I would.

Had I have the above book, maybe I would have been able to answer the question. Maybe I would have said, I just try too damn hard, or work is an obsession, but thats not me. Lazy is. I love honesty.

- the HR/IT guy.

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Post Move (finally)

Saturday, December 8th, 2007

This is the first post from the new internet connection, I know it hasn’t been all that long, and I shouldn’t complain about a week, but I’m an addict, and a filthy one at that!

Just sat down after a lazy Sunday, the first in a long series, in the new house. Last weekend (as you know) was hard, moving boxes/furniture for 48 hours, and yesterday was much the same (possibly even longer) after a trek to the rubbish tip, a trip to Ikea (in Essex of all places), and 6+ hours of moving & driving, and of course another trip to McDonalds (my second in two weeks, and also in almost a year). However, today has been laid back, all we’ve done is eat, drink (lots), do the shopping and pick up the rent deposit checkcheque (damnit, I’m oozing American) from the old house.

It’s the best feeling, sitting here with a cheque in my wallet for the full amount of the initial security bond, a huge relief too as it covers almost two thirds of this months rent at the new house which is awesome, as I wasn’t looking forward to having to raise the money for rent from my pay alone. This was a good thing, as there was a fair few marks on the walls that definitely weren’t there when we first moved in. But it got me thinking, who gives the full security bond amount back before properly checking state of said apartment? But really, it wasn’t all that bad, but I had expected to lose £150 or so for painting!

We’ve been in Twickenham for over a week now, and its been great so far, though I’m still getting used to having so many locals and not having to travel or walk more than 10 minutes to get to one. I know it hasn’t been long and we can’t expect to know the area back to front just yet, but I’m still finding little chestnuts around the place that make the new hood even more excellent, like this:

The Ingenuity of some astounds me

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Morning Meeting (and subsequent shabbiness)

Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

Well Monday morning I was greeted at the front door of the office by my manager, only to be directed straight to other office (the snazzy above ground office about 500m away just near St James Palace) for an urgent heads up meeting regarding recent project work.  This was no issue, as rather unusually for a Monday morning I was feeling especially spritely, so I went along and sat down in the board room.

I should provide a little more information here about just how nice the other office is compared to the one the plebs (IT) work in.  Our office is an open plan with no offices or cubicles, its below ground with very little natural light apart from that which gets in from the street above and its incredibly noisy due to the mass of computer equipment in a rack about 10 metres behind where I sit.  It (thankfully) is carpeted, and there is no dress code, which is of course a good thing.  The other office is set out like a ritzy 5-star hotel with a large lobby area with waiting couches and a snazzy desk.  Everyone dresses up really nice, and its eerily quiet, and upon my first visit I was shown around each of about five board rooms with a £10,000-£20,000 table and 5-20 £1,000 leather chairs.  Naturally, I feel rather out of place at an office like this, in my nikes, worn blue jeans and Jack Daniels t-shirt (everything except for the t-shirt is true).

So back to the meeting, I sat down spoke my mind for an hour, gave some insightful commentary and told management and marketing everything they wanted/needed to hear and went on my merry way two hours later.  During the meeting, I noticed a couple of weird glances and odd looks, and although it was off-putting, I assumed they were admiring the manly adonis sitting at the head of the table, that being me.

It wasn’t until I got back to the office and went to the toilet a little later on, that I noticed (whilst admiring said adonis in the mirror) that I had a rather odd looking and very noticeable milk stain  all the way down the front of my grey t-shirt.  Grubby bastard strikes again!

And then came more shabbiness, not nearly as much my fault this time though.

My recruitment company (the hawks that they are), scheduled a meet and greet a few weeks ago, where they were going to come to the office and take myself and my manager out to lunch under the guise of finally putting a face to the voice on the end of the phone after such a long period.  I say this because really it had nothing to do with meeting me, or my boss, but securing a lucrative contract out of the company where at slightly lower cost they would provide us with all contractors/workers in a way that we could now exclusively use them.

Anyway, I’m sure they said it would be a quick meal at the pub with a couple of drinks so turned up in my usual IT getup.  Upon arriving at said pub, it was a very upmarket, and snooty restaurant.  Once again, I was very out of place, like a morman at a sex show.  Yes, just like that.

I might find a cupboard here at the office and keep a suit in there for these “special” occasions.

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The Trials and Tribulations of Moving

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

We’re now in the final stages of saving for the rent/bond/deposit, preparing the current house for inspection and cancelling/moving services, utilities, banking and store memberships.  I’ve got to say though, there is an awful lot to do.  I’m complaining, and I dont have a mortgage, car, other loans, kids or health insurance.  I’d hate to think what its like attempting to move a whole family and related bills and services.

Now I’ve just got to try and make sure the house is presentable so we can get as much of the deposit back as possible.  There’s a couple of patches on the walls that are looking a little bit off which may cause us problems though (shoddy paint, I’m sure of it),  but I’ll do best with a can of touch up paint.

But its all for a good cause, and that’s the new house!  Bring it on!

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Guiness Thursday

Friday, November 16th, 2007

guinessthursday.jpg

Not often does such genius strike a person on the midst of a Wednesday afternoon, I might even say it may have been my Eureka moment. I invented Guiness Thursday, a day that exceeds all other named days, including Good Friday, Easter Monday and others such as Ash Wednesday, which until today I believed was named because of the bushfires that spread accross Victoria, Australia on Wednesday, Feb 16th 1983. What irony.

I must jump back in time for a bit, to Wednesday night, as I excitedly rushed home after my moment of revelation, to make sure said idea was indeed as original and ingenious as I thought it was. A quick google search, left me slightly shattered, as it returned four results, but I was happy to discover that whilst the term had been phrased before, it definitely didn’t appear to be in common usage. And everyone knows the first and foremost rule of just about anything, and thats if you like an idea, copy it and make it ten times better. So I did, and on we go.

Guiness Thursday is a momentous occasion, as it doesn’t attempt to rival any of these religious holidays for importance, but attempts to enrich them, forming a union in which pleasure time can be enhanced by grouping said days together, whereever possible. Every Thursday, I will endevour to enforce a strict Guiness policy for myself and my collegues and anyone else who’ll join.

This shall bring enjoyment for all who believe in the new way. And certain times of the year we will benefit greatly from its creation. Take Easter Week for instance, usually we have Good Friday thru Easter Monday off work. With Guiness Thursday, we’ll have an even better Easter Weekend, with a classy lead up to the festive period with a Thursday afternoon of several pints of Ireland’s finest. In fact, and I don’t mean to offend anyone here, in a few hundred years the meaning of the Easter weekend may well just change, in that Good Friday is good for the fact we enjoyed Guiness Thursday so much.

You see, Guiness Thursday is not just a childish notion, nor is it a passing phase. It’s an ideal, and aims to make everyones Post-humpday just that much better, for the improvement of man-kind.

Please, join me, and post stories of your Guiness Thursday exploits. I’m interested in feedback of all kinds.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeYMoz0zdag[/youtube]

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