I was reading my book on the train on the way to work today, Remote Control by the British author (and ex-SAS soldier) Andy McNab, and came across a line that made me laugh.  It wasn’t just any laugh though, but a sudden outburst, the kind that makes you look like the special autistic child or some kind of greasy pervert, the kind that directs eyes toward you.  Hundred’s of the beady little f$%kers.

I should prefix this with a bit of background, after about thirty or forty pages of the authors build up to an action scene, the main character, Nick Stone,  describes in detail how stealth is the key to any subtle operation.  He describes in full the surveillance required in the stake out, and how each part of the target (IRA headquarters) was broken into without extreme force.  This goes on, and on, and as you’d expect thing’s eventually go hay wire as Stone is discovered and is seconds away from death via handgun down his throat after being taken out by a fire extinguisher to the back of the head.

By this point, I’m engrossed, the build up was enormous, and I’m literally hanging off the end of my seat wondering what on Earth is going to happen next.  There’s a small scuffle and Stone jams the gun, temporarily disabling it and a scuffle breaks out eventually resulting in the enemy being shot in the head.

This was followed by:

“He was going to die soon.

Tough Shit.”

It’s a pillow, what a horrible prank!

In hindsight it doesn’t seem anywhere near as funny, but it blew me away at the time.  After such an enourmous build up with everything and every moment described in such precious detail, the climax was abrupt, like a kick in the guts.  I have to liken this to getting amazing sex, mind blowing passion with the ultimate build up:

"mmmm...."

"ah..."

"MMMMmmmmm yea!"

"Oh.  Job's done"

"Yea, would you like a cup of tea?"

I’d half expected another ten pages describing the blood as it made its passage from the chest driven by the last few beats of the heart, up the arteries, and out the convinient new escape vent in the head.  But no.. He was dead, and that was it.

Bloody good book though, both Andy McNab books I’ve read so far have been an excellent read, which makes them incredibly hard to put down.

Here I am, the summer-seasoned Australian wishing it was Winter again, because the English summer may have got the better of me.  I’ve been away from Perth for a while now, but I can feel I’ve got a relatively good memory of what the 40o+ celsius days were like, and even going to work in those temparatures for weeks on end didn’t seem as bad as this last week has been in London.

I still feel like a nance, especially as I keep seeing others wearing long sleeves, and even layers (one thing I will never understand about English people, their ability to layer clothes is second to none), but I can’t wait for the winter to come back again.  It was nice being able to walk to work without sweating, and sit at the office without sweating, though that is partly due to the terrible quality air conditioner we’ve got in our basement Nike factory, despite the fact its in most expensive area for office/business rent in all of the European Union.  Perhaps that’s the reason the air conditioner doesn’t work.

Here comes the worst part, it was only 28 degrees today, which is only just bordering on acceptable swimming weather in Australia, but I’d have happily taken a swim in the Thames to cool down.  Yesterday was a little hotter again, at 31 celsius, but its a different kind of heat, and there’s a whole lot less air conditioning.

What have I become? My sweetest friend…

Johnny Cash - Hurt

Johnny Cash - Hurt (Nine Inch Nails Original)

I seem to be suffering from one of the most debilitating illness’s, which can be described only by the term, The Mental Blog.  The issue is, I don’t feel like I’ve got anything much to post to HD911 these past few days, and even when I attempt to think of something, I seem to be hitting a wall.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, there’s a billion thoughts swimming around in my head, but s….

Shit, hit the wall again!

Not since seeing Juno about a year ago have I seen a movie quite like The Happening, and that is in no way a good thing.  But I’m being unnessecarily negative toward Juno, it wasn’t terrible, but given the hype it received both pre and post release, and its subsequent Oscar award surprised me greatly.  It just really wasn’t that good.  So I’m going to reword the first line of this post again, much more accurately this time.

Not since seeing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull a week ago have I seen a movie quite as bad as The Happening.  In fact, I didn’t see another movie in between the time I saw these two, and thats not giving me any confidence in the quality of new releases in 2008.  Usually, I can appreciate a low budget movie, when executed well these movies are just as good as any other, Clerks, Napolean Dynamite and even The Blair Witch Project come to mind here.

The happening just felt, looked, smelt, no stank of an extremely low budget film, but at $57 million, it must have either been made in Zimbabwe, or someone knows how to do a very tacky (relatively) high budget film in a completely low budget way.

The Story

The movie starts off with a suspected terrorist attack in Central Park in New York which mysteriously causes people to speak in tongues, walk backwards, and then find the quickest way of killing themselves, all whilst under a trance.  Within a few hours, the citizens of the North Eastern states are hurredly evacuating all the major cities, only to get knocked down like flies to this killer toxin.  Naturally, as the movie goes on, the main character discovers it’s plants who are emitting the toxin, and large packs of human beings were somehow setting off the plants.

People die, in fact pretty much everyone dies within about 5 states of New York (I’m going to estimate a quarter of the population of the U.S), but the main character, his disfunctional girlfriend, and their newly acquired daughter (due to loss of her parents) survive by talking nicely to plants, eating hotdogs, lieing low in a house with a crazy woman and making a final daring dash into the wilderness that had already taken so many.

I highlighted the silent killer in the paragraph above, just in case you missed it, that’s right, the killer was plants, and apart from some rather gruesome death scenes the film involved some rather B-grade actors walking through North American bushland.

The Actor

There was something I didn’t mention before, and it could explain the rather high budget for this bottom of the barrel film.  That is the main actor in The Happening is Mark Wahlberg, whom apart from his 14-inch penis in Boogie Nights and some solid performances in The Departed and The Big Hit, is a horrible excuse for a “holywood” actor.  I’m sure someone else could have played the part far more convincingly at about half the cost as well.

Worst of all, the film is written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, whom I know nothing about, and don’t know any of his/her past work either, but from what others have said this film was definitely not Shyamalan’s best.

I don’t know what else to say, and I don’t usually bother commenting on movies, what could I possibly say that someone else hasn’t said before?  But when its this bad, it has to be spoken of.  The Happening, really was this bad!

Update:

I’ve just received a reply from another poster who has a blog, The Not Happening at http://thenothappening.blogspot.com/. I can’t believe just how much of a negatively following this movie has, staged walkouts.  Who knows, it may even go down as a cult classic.  Kudos!

Remember the days of Winamp, that funky, light (~v2 anyway) little MP3 player? It was the ultimate accessory on every geeks tools belt, along with ICQ, mIRC, Netscape and possibly Eudora (though I never cared for it).  I remember it, very fondly, it was in my opinion responsible for bringing MP3 music to the masses, or at least to those geeky enough to have gone out looking for it.  It did, what every good music player should, and what many of todays media players faily miserably at (especially a certain Media Player that’s at ver 11).  Simplicity is what it did well, and at the time it worked fantastically.

Winamp v2 - Basic, like a crappy car stereo

Sonique media player was a funky upstart that was in development about the same time, which had a completely different approach to to the MP3 and media playing application.  It went outside the box, of what a normal application looked like with funky designs and skins that didn’t fit into the shape of a normal window, and if I remember correctly came standard with a host of plugins, visualisation and other addons.

Sonqiue’s interesting style

Now, to the point of my post!

I was talking to one of the guys at the office the other day, and it turns out he was one of the lead developers on the Sonique application and some of the plugins that came with it to produce oh so clear crystal sound.  He spoke of the hype surrounding the application, and the chance at millions when bought out by Lycos (I think??!), and subsequent downfall as the other competitors tried different/more successful things.

This proves basically nothing except that once again, the world is a tiny place, but oh well, I still think Winamp was the better player!

Off topic, but I still happen to have the original set of MP3’s I first managed to download all those years ago (digitally copied many times of course), but the tracks have managed to stay (embarrisingly) in the collection all these years and have kept their original script kiddie style filenames.  These include such greats as:

• John Denver’s, Thank God, I’m a country boy (aptly name Denv-ThankGod.mp3)
• various Smashing Pumpkins songs
• Paul Simon, You can call me Al
• Pink Floyd
• Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin

and many more! Random!

A quick one, and not the best title I know.  But there’s been a noticeable increase of late in police numbers onthe streets around the office, and in tube/train stations on the way home.  Over the last fortnight, I’ve noticed at various times during the week there being at least 20 or 30 (and possibly many more on platforms and other lines) police officers putting in a presence at both Green Park station, Waterloo and Twickenham stations.

One of the guys at work was stopped randomly was searched (padded down, emptied bags, etc) under the terrorist act (can’t say No, basically), in Green Park station on the way home the other night, nothing came of it, of course.  And completely unrelated, but the police have closed off a lane outside the office and are searching cars too.  Though that’s probably licensing, more than anything.

A completely unrelated sign I spotted whilst on my way to the rugby on the weekend

It really makes me wonder though, since I’ve been here (especially since attempted car bombings in June* last year) there’s been an on/off police presence, which in a weird way I find oddly reassuring.  But it begs the question, “Why the sudden spikes in activity, and then nothing for a few days?”. Are these really just random, routine acts in a way that could make the public feel safer and feel like the government/metro police are doing something?  Or is there something more sinister going on?

I’m no conspiracy theorist, but suspicious one inside me notices an alarming difference between one police/security officer whom you may see at a stationi entrance or patrolling the street, and literally an army of officers stopping/searching/charging people as they go about they’re daily commute.

I still can’t help but think these stop and searches could be better conducted in the problem areas, not the terrorism problem, but the problem that is still gripping London, and thats youth gang stabbings and warfare.  I’d have to guess and say you’d be far more likely to find a butterfly knife on a dodgy looking youth in Brixton, than anything of Terrorist nature in the bag of an otherwise innocent Software developer in Mayfair.  Priorities!

But, in the end, we’ve just got to forget about it and get on with the task of getting home, god knows I’m not going to walk the whole distance.

It’s the night before my wedding, no, scrap that. Let me re-phrase, it’s nine hours and twenty minutes before my wedding.  I’ve only just had a chance to sit down and actually think about the whole thing, I’m not nervous, or scared, or overwhelmed.  I’m just… happy!  I can’t really explain it, thoughts are running through my head at 1,000 miles an hour, many at the same time, but I do have an outstanding feeling of contentment.  The rest of the clan are over at the moment, and its great to be able to see them after a year, though it feels like yesterday that I saw them last anyway.

Note: Not anything like the suit I’ll be wearing tomorrow

In my pensive state, I figured out something though, I’m sure its blatantly obvious to everyone else, but I feel like a genius anyway, and I’m not talking the same kind of genius I was when I invented the Bloody Genius.

Do you know the real reason why you’re not supposed to see the bride the night before the wedding?

The answer to this became very obvious when I walked into the bedroom at 11:00pm, and Cath wasn’t there.  I wasn’t expecting her to be, as she’s spending the night over at a friends to keep with tradition.  But it’s blatantly obvious to me that something’s missing, and not just that, but I’m lonely as well, why else would I be writing this post?

I think if you can make the decision not to see your partner for the point of not seeing them, and then instantly wish it didn’t have to be that way and feel as lonely as I do right now, then that’s a compelling reason to make sure it never happens again.  And if the opposite was to occur, and on your last night of ‘freedom’‘ as they say you feel nothing whilst apart, then maybe that’s a good reason not to get married.

See, genius!

But, (and I don’t want to sound corny here), I didn’t need to have this experience to know that want to spend the rest of my life with just one certain person, I knew that already.  I knew that soon after we met almost 8 years ago, though I can’t remember the point it occured to me.

Now I’ve just got to remember all the things I’ve got to do for the big day tomorrow, which thankfully isn’t much.  I’ve got the rings safely in plain view so they’re not forgotten, and the certificate, and my suit & shirt are pressed.  Hell, even my shoes are buffed and polished, that’s some forward thinking right there.

Rings

Despite the integral people who’ll be missing tomorrow (you know who you are), I’m looking forward to it, despite its low-keyness.  There won’t be a big ceremony, nor confetti (at least I don’t think), a bouquet, a priest, a first dance or an enourmous feast.  But there most certainly will be the couple, speeches, toasts, good friends, some immediate family, food and drink, all at a nice little pub with a fair bit of history in what must be the best city in the world.  And for that, I’m looking forward to it.

And then Sunday, we’re off to Majorca in Spain, which sounds fantastic, like a little holiday island, and another place I’d never heard of before about a week ago.  Cath and I, my parents and my brother in a villa on a sunny island in Spain for four days!  Once again, a little unorthodox with regards to the normal wedding/honeymoon situation, but I haven’t seen them all in such a long while, it’ll be great.

I’m in London Still*….. I’m getting married, and, I’m loving it!

* Weirdly enough the Waif’s song London Still just came on while I wrote the last line, and it really just seemed to slot into place.

You can ask anyone, I’m not usually one to pick up a book, and it’s even more unlikely that I’d be caught reading one.  In fact over the last year, apart from daily reads of websites (which often contain relatively large stories/articles), and various tech (read: geek) books, the only books I’ve read are:

• Tucker Max - I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell…
• Maddox - The Alphabet of Manliness

In the last ten days I’ve doubled this, and now I’m onto my third book.  This is amazing because, as we’ve already estabilished, I don’t read, so it takes something unusual to break the literary drought.  And I’ve definitely that something I think.  Lee Child’s alter ego Jack Reacher is just about the most interesting character I’ve ever read about, which tells me a) Child write’s f*&king good books, or b) I’m uncultured and haven’t read anywhere near enough books.  I’ll go with option a, because I know how cultured and cool I am.

So far, I’ve read too of Child’s books, One Shot, and Bad Luck and Trouble, which kept me glued from start to finish.  The former is about a seemingly random mass murder in Indiana by a trained sniper where the crime is completely faked and made to look like it was a retired army Marine who did the shooting, and the victim’s weren’t all completely random (shock horror).  The latter involves half of Reacher’s old Army group getting killed for uncovering a plot to ship new U.S missile technology to terrorists and Reacher meets up with the remaining four members of the group to bring justice to those taken down.  As usual, weapons, money and a whole lot of violence is involved.

One thing I really liked about the first book (that I didn’t notice as much in the second) is that the whole book plays out almost exactly like a Law and Order episode.  I’m a Law and Order nut, if its on I’ll watch it, and even episodes I’ve seen before rate pretty high on the re-watchability scale (as long as they’re not watched in close succession).  Apart from the abomination that was Trial By Jury, or Justice By Jury (something like that), I’ve liked pretty much every episode that I’ve watched in the past 18 series the original show has been running.  And I appreciated that about One Shot.  It plays out like any cop/military drama, and it keeps interest the whole time.

I’d had Lee Child recommended to me recently, and by coincidence, the newspaper The Evening Standard happened to have a free copy if you bought a copy of the paper.  So I guess advertising works, as I’ll now probably continue and buy the rest of his books, starting from the first of the series of course.

Anybody want to recommend me some good reading?

I came home the other night to a partially dead laptop.  The power adapter (brick) refused to react to being plugged into the power (the light wasn’t turning on and it was emitting a rather funny smell), so I’d think it was a power surge.  The only problem was, I got a replacement charger/battery and the problems didn’t stop there.  The screen (whilst displaying a perfect picture) flickers and can’t draw the screen fast enough, so whilst I can still type on it (like now) and use it for email, it’s pretty much useless for any other task.

The screen looks like an old 40’s reel-tape movie/video with the flicker every second or so and what looks like dust flecks in the corners, like an old, pre World War II Donald Duck Cartoon:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG3R3rMu12E[/youtube]

I’m sure there was an older pre-war video somewhere

But seriously, I’m now confronted by the situation where I can pay to get this laptop repaired, which I’d estimate at about £150, or order a new laptop on Higher Purchase via Dell, both of which I really shouldn’t be considering as money is tight at the moment with everything coming up!  But whats a little more debt on top of the pile?

A couple of years ago when I was looking for my last laptop, the choice was fairly clear as to what was the best options.  Basically for the price, I didn’t think there was anything worthy but an optioned up Dell Latitude.  Dell is still (of course) by far the best bang for the buck, nothing comes close price/specs wise but I’ve looked at:

• Dell Latitude again (over priced business use)
• Dell Vostro (Cheap completely customisable Business series)
• Dell Inspiron (Consumer, very little difference to the Vostro’s)
• Dell XPS (Dell’s Cream of the crop, great mix of everything)
• Dell Precision (Over priced, performance Business Model)
• Alienware (True performance, but I thought with ageing hardware & very expensive)
• Apple Macbook Pro (I’d love one of these, not worth twice the price of the equivalent Dell machine though); and
• a range of Gaming Acer, Asus, HP/Compaq, Lenovo and Sony models which were either under performers or largely over priced

Once again, the Dell range offer the best money to nuts ratio, and quite often offer the newest (and thus best) hardware out of all the major players, so Macbook boasting aside, Dell gets my vote.

On second look, the Vostro looks like the best option, it can be optioned up to the max, and comes with a lot of extras that would otherwise cost money on the Inspiron range, so the clear winner for the time being is the Dell Vostro 1700.

Now why didn’t I pay the extra $100AUD for 3 years international warranty, when I last had the chance?

I’d originally started writing this post at Green Park station last night (Thursday 3rd April), but the rest was written today

It’s 9:15pm and I’m currently standing at the entrance to Green Park Station, which as I stand is about a 100m walk from the front door of my office.  Tonight, like any normal night, I left at 6:00pm, as such I’m no closer to home than I was the better part of four hours ago.  But there’s no usual story of drunken antics or other similar fun, I’ve been stuck on a packed Jubilee Line Tube train with no air, fans and only emergency lighting the whole time.

I have to say, a fully clothed Roman Bath packed with pissy London commuters is not my idea of a fun way to spend a few hours, but there wasn’t much I could do but laugh.  And like human evolution, accelerated at a thousand times the normal speed my nose has evolved in the way I can now say, without doubt, that I can identify the sweaty smell of almost any human being, young or old, male or female, white collar or blue collar, black or white and of course the most pungent of aroma…. me.

People got really funny, really quickly in that situation and started to panic, like repeatedly pulling the Emergency alarm was going to do anyone any good, as the driver had to explain several times:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I realise everyone is upset, and quite frankly I am too, but there’s not a lot of things I can do at present so I’ll just ask you to stay calm.  Please note, pulling the emergency handle on the train repeatedly will not help the situation, and no, there are no toilets on this train, and no, I’m not allowed to let you off the train to walk down the tracks”.

I think the worst thing was, because of the power cut, the driver couldn’t communicate with anyone at the stations or other tube staff.  It wasn’t all bad though, finally, just before 9:00pm the London Underground cavalry and Police arrived and we walked off back down the tunnel to Green park.  That was the coolest part about it all.

The best photo I could get of the tunnel, wish I’d got more

Things I learnt:

• It’s never not an option to go to the toilet before leaving the office
• If the power goes out completely, there is no communication at all with the upper world (apparently due to using an inferior/cheap communication system)
• Old style wireless/CB (I’m assuming) still works with other drivers along the tunnel
• London tube tunnels are nothing like the New York tunnels you see in Law and Order or dodgy 80’s cop movies.  At least on the Jubillee line, noone could live down there, and so my thoughts of a subterranean London civilisation have been all but dashed.
• Once again, its never not an option to go to the toilet before leaving the office

Update: BBC News Article - Hundreds trapped on Underground