The Hyperchondriac’s Timewaster
Yes, so I was bored the other day at work, and what do we do when we’re bored, unproductive and not doing something creative like inventing weekly drinking days? We waste time on the internetz, and the flavour of the day was taking pointless online medical tests, because in this age of hypochondriacal madness who better to diagnose my mental state than a two-bit test on the internet? The first of the two was the ADHD Test at PhsycCentral.com, and the second was the quirky and manic inducing OCD Test on the ADAA’s website.
PsychCentral.com’s ADHD Test
In this day and age where every kid has some form of this elusive condition, and care-free doctor’s are giving away far too many prescription pills to worry-ridden over-bearing mother’s (or at least to crafty teenage entrepeneurs) it seemed like a good idea to take this test, to guage where one might stand, you know, in the scheme of things. I’m of the opinion that my rapidly declining memory and cognitive ability, which I was once quite proud of, is due to the effect of age, decreased mental stimulation and alcohol abuse. But I’m open to interpretation, and there I thought there might be a slight chance that the reason my attention span, and general attention to detail is so poor may have something to do with with this magical phenomenon.
Upon taking the test, I was greeted by the usual standard questions, “I say things without thinking, and later regret having said them.”, “In conversations, I start to answer questions before the questions have been fully asked.”, “Even when sitting quietly, I am usually moving my hands or feet.”, “I am distressed by the disorganized way my brain works.” Check, Yes, Very much so. Cool, I thought, I’m a total and utter head case. Nope, I rated in the Low to Mild ADHD category, falling far short of the target Moderate Level ADHD, or indeed the coveted trophy prize Adult ADHD.
First test a failure (or success, depending on which way you look at it), seemingly I’d wasted 5 minutes. This got me thinking though, I’m only 24, which would is considered young by most standards. Is it out of the ordinary that I’m noticing myself getting old (never thought I’d say that), or am I artificially accelerating this to a point that I’m noticing it early?? Bah!
ADAA.org’s OCD Test
For my next short term time waster I chose the OCD test, for those not in the know that’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and really I think there’s a little in everyone of us. From the simple need to alphabetically sort a DVD or Book collection, clean the house, or line the pegs up on the clothes line in Colour/Size order (yes, I’ve been guilty of all three, though not compulsively) through to obsessive cleaning of ones hands, OCD is a very real beast that affects… people. Errr.
I’m not completely sure if the writers of this test were having a laugh (is he ‘avin a laff??) when they wrote this page, or if they’re just down right mean, but a certain element that is missing would send even the most sane of people into a manic episode. They left out the Submit button. Ha!
Just imagine it, x number of OCD suspects want a semi-professional opinion so before sectioning themselves for good, they consult the doctor in a box, and proceed to type in parts of their innermost thoughts and secrets. When crunch time occurs, and they’ve completed the entry section they look forward to recieveing the answer and solving the problem once and for all, so they search for the Submit/Upload/OK button. No button! So what do they do?? Do exactly what I did, I suspect, assume its part of the test and click like a mad mescaline munching donkey until the answer could be found.
Only it couldn’t, because it wasn’t there, and there was no form, only inputs, radio’s and some random links that went nowhere! That’ll fuck em, least that’s what I bet the ADAA were thinking.
So anyway, Shannon 1, work day 0.
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